still


seek peace and pursue it, You said.
show me how, i said.
show me how, i said again

and then again
and then again
and then again

and then again

and then again

and then again

and then again

and again
and again
and again
and again
and again
and
and

even now
on days when i’m just not sure
of anything except You
i stand in the sureness of what You said, still
and i remember the willingness in what i said, still
and i am in awe of it all, still



love in not so normal times

in normal times
i would’ve walked up to the porch when she called out to me
and with all my teeth and good manners said
ma’am
because she’s my elder and because respect and 
because my mother is Black and 
because my grandmother is Black 
and because just because
but these are not normal times
so i keep my distance
and make space enough for us to
both feel safe
cared for
loved 
in these not so normal times but
instead of walking away 
having only mumbled a hello she probably 
couldn’t hear because 
the distance is              not normal
i turn 
i open my body in her direction 
and i care bear stare her 
projecting my heart and my voice
showing my teeth and good manners
i say 
MA’AM
loud enough so she hears
warm enough so she feels
safe enough so she lives

we all want it

i’m not really sure how any of this works
i’ve just been writing down the words I hear
as I hear them

the whole process is odd and unnerving
because surprise!
no hands

i’m not in control
of this or anything that has happened
that will happen
but I am awake

awake and jammed, through and through
with anxiety-laced anticipation
full and ready and listening
for the words that will surely come

because freedom!
all hands

a whole new world for one

there’s
one for sleepin’
one for washin’
one for cookin’
one for readin’
one for livin’
one for prayin’

and a corridor that connects them all

to not get lost in the newness of this new world for one
I name things
every day
sun up to sun down
one by one
room by room
I drift in and out of focus touching
everything that wants to be touched
even me

then deep calls unto deep
and I am on my knees again
willing myself down the corridor that connects them all
pausing and pointing
laying hands
naming things
bestowing fact to fiction and an I-am-here-ness
to everything
because who would have thunk it!? - a whole world for one!
and it’s marvelous
and I wish you could see it
you would love to see it

you know it's going to happen

you just don’t know when that will be

but

you hope it happens after the beds have been made
after the dishes have been washed and after the kisses doled out

and

you hope it happens after you’ve seen at least ten million sunrises
and just as many sunsets

and

you hope it happens after you’ve lain your whole body down in salty seas near and far
and tasted those salty waters and marveled at how much they taste just like you

and

you hope it happens after every dream you’ve ever dreamt has been touched
at least once by your hand

and

you hope it happens after you’ve known love deeply—given it, received it, made it until
you’ve cried tears of joy

and

and

and

you hope it happens when you’re ready

but

you just don’t know when that will be